Ladies and gentlemen, I have some shocking news to report: I may have done something mean.
I know! I know! I’m so embarrassed. I can’t hardly believe it. Normally I would never do such a terrible thing; honestly, I may have had a little stroke.
I was at Starbucks, minding my own business – as well as everyone else’s in the damned coffee house because they all talk so freaking loud. And I’m not exaggerating either. I heard them over my very loud headphones and Pink telling me to blow her (one last kiss). At first I went to my friends to check to make sure my annoyance was justified and then to make sure I was about to perform the proper social protocol: throw burning coffee in their faces and yell at them to STFU. Apparently no, that’s not correct and they encouraged me to ignore it.
Ok. Ignored. Moving on.
I somehow managed to get some work done in the form of tomorrow’s post (it was going to be today’s but then I wrote this) and a confo critique for Fugly. At that point I was pretty proud of myself; I hadn’t yelled at anyone, I got some work done and I still had some coffee left to drink! All considered, not the worst night of my life.
Then I got to my car.
Some IDIOT had managed to park their teeny tiny car so horribly that I actually could not get my door open enough to even put my laptop bag in the passenger seat. Seriously, they drove some little two-door thing that was smaller than a Ford Focus! And, with the skill of a Nascar driver, had backed it in at such an angle that they were able to squeeze out the driver side door, but I couldn’t even get to mine!
Naturally, being the forgiving and magnanimous citizen that I am, I went to my passenger side, opened the door and found some paper and a pen to write them a note.
“Learn to goddamn park.”
Elegant and understated, no?
Ok, maybe I went for the obvious.
In retrospect, I wish I had written something at least slightly clever. You know, something along the lines of “social decorum now dictates that you take up only ONE parking spot at any given time” or “perhaps you should practice parking before venturing out in public ever again” or “I’m so sorry that my parking between the lines of one parking spot before you arrived affected your ability to park within another”. Perhaps the cleverness needs some work…