When a dude uses the word “communique” within the first 5 minutes of meeting a prospective partner, you know it’s all downhill from there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for big words! I love big, multi-syllabic words. Dems be ma homies. But to be talking along, in a manner in which a drunkard could easily understand you, and then whip out “communique”, screams douche to me.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I went on a date last night.
No, he is most definitely not my soul mate. Dang. Back to the drawing boards!
Those drawing boards definitely do not include dudes who wear tighter shirts than I do! I wish I was exaggerating on this one. I happened to be wearing a tank top that was a size too big so it hung a bit loose anyways – but either way, that thing was toight! Toight like a toiger! I saw nerps – so much so that I kind of feel like my eyes got to second base. Guess it was a tid bit nippley in Starbucks. Thank gawd it wasn’t a V neck otherwise I never would have made it through the whole date. Actually, I still didn’t, I begged off early saying that I had to get back to write blog posts – see? it wasn’t a lie!
Then there was his attempt to pull me into a political conversation. There really aren’t that many topics I don’t have an opinion on, general politics happens to be one of them. I (purposefully) don’t know enough about them to converse intelligently – and therefore all conversation, on my part at least, halts whenever that topic is brought up.
Next we have the fact that he’s into poetry. I’m sorry, but I’m just not one of those renaissance girls who are into that shit! In all honesty, it’s not just the whole male-in-touch-with-his-feminine-side crap (Hi. I’m the girl. I have the feminine side, not you!) that turns me off, I just flat out dislike poetry. Most likely because I suck at writing it. I tend to dislike that which I don’t excel at. Character flaw? Naw…
Last, but not least (I’m just hitting the highlights here), was the fact that he grossly lied about his height! Yes, folks, I am a heightist. Hell, my horse is 17.3hh! I like having control over things that are much bigger than I. And, since I’m 5’8″, I prefer a dude who’s at least 6 feet tall. That said, attitude and personality can make up for a bit of discrepancy, but not in this case. Today’s dating specimen claimed to be 6 feet, and was maybe 5’10″.
I don’t understand why guys lie about their height! It’s not like we’re not going to notice when we meet you! It’s a little obvious! You know, you want to use a photo that’s a year or two old, you go right ahead. You want to tell me you have an “athletic” build and then try to convince me that couch surfing is a real sport, fine. Everyone has their own definitions of “current” and “athletic”, they can be subjective terms, but height is height dammit! It’s a quantifiable measurement. There’s no changing that shit!
So, Toight T-shirt and I weren’t meant to be. He was at least better than The Ugly Laugher. There is that, at least. A step in the right direction perhaps?
And so, my quest continues.
36 Comments
haha. I am glad I’m not the only one that recently had a failed date. Mine was a guy that suggested hiking with our dogs. He then neglected to bring his dog, and started complaining about the biting bugs to the point that he had to leave to go slather bendryl on his legs.
There can only be one pussy in the relationship, and mines attached.
*I fully support gay marriage*
LOL! OMG that sounds way worse than mine! I’d seriously be worried about serial killer tendencies if a guy proposed a dog walking date but didn’t show up with a dog!
But if you support gay marriage then, by definition, you support marriages with more than one pussy.
And what if each partner arrives with a cat?
I HATED dating. My bullshit allergies were constantly in an uproar. I maintain a certain level of gullibility so there was the continual deflation when I found out lying was involved. Lying seems to always be involved. The last guy I was even remotely interested in continually brought up his money woes during the two telephone conversations we had. Not lying per se, but too …er…you know what I mean.
All things considered, single doesn’t suck.
I somehow remember my “dating days” as some of the most amusing of my life. I wouldn’t cheat on my boyfriend of 8 years, but sometimes I just want to date for the humorous stories!
The drunk clumsy dancer who ran his hands up and down the side of my waist while whispering (in a tone I’m sure he hoped was seductive…) “I’m touching you everywhere but where you REALLY want.” I nearly spit all over his face from laughing so hard.
Then there was the Italian who would (insert accent) “die for my eyes.” Pretty sure that was a compliment, but I really don’t want my eyes to be responsible for the death of another human being. Cue hysterical laughter.
Let’s just say I laughed at a lot of guys. I would try to be polite, but some of them were just too outrageous.
Of course, was one gentleman who was cute, intelligent, and generally amazing, but was a pilot. And, of course, he was just in my hometown for a few weeks while getting his American pilot license (he was a Brit). Ah, well.
I’ve got a good one now (he’s managed to stick around through my hysterical laughter and awkwardness for 8 years) who is actually a pretty decent rider despite his “casual” status in the horseworld (tall men + horses makes me jealous – I wish I could ride without my chubby thighs and top-heaviness!). I do miss the funny stories though.
Love living vicariously through your experience here
It’s a good thing he’s not selling a horse because he’s the same guy that would claim 14.3 is actually 15.3. No big deal, no one will notice.
I have commented many times to my SO that he must have been such a shock to women in his dating days who met him and discovered he really was the 6’2 that he said he was. It is amazing to me how men lie, lie, LIE about this as though we are blind. We ALL know what 6′ looks like when we stand next to it, just as we ALL (we horsewomen!) know what 16 hands looks like when we stand next to it!
Is this still a horse blog?
Naw, I gave that shit up. It’s all fuzzy bunnies, all the time!
Today’s horse post will actually be published in few hours. Good things come to those who wait.
I am married to a man who I met on an online dating site. Who lied about his height. I am also 5’8″, and like most women, insisted that my guy should be taller than me. My man claimed to be 5’9″, which since it qualified as taller than me (barely) got him past my initial screening to the meet in person stage. Where it turns out, he is exactly the same height as me.
More importantly, height turned out not to be the deal breaker than I thought it was. My man is good-looking, smart, funny, passionate, hard working, gainfully employed and generally so many kinds of awesome. I would have been incredibly stupid to pass him up over his height. Yes, if I wear heels I’m taller than him. WHO CARES.
But anyway… this is why guys lie about their height. Because so many women are so shallow about a man’s height. My husband called himself 5’9 instead of 5’8 because it opened up the potential field of girls who would meet him just that smidge more while still not being *that* much of an exaggeration. And it worked! If he’d been honest about his height I probably would have ruled him out without meeting him in person. And that would have been the biggest mistake of my life.
Anyway, this dude doesn’t sound like a winner for other reasons, but in all seriousness, don’t get so hung up on height. All that wanting a “taller than me” man did for me was cause me to date a series of 6′ assholes until I found a short Mr. Right. (Also, kissing a man without having to twist your neck is pretty awesome too).
What makes you think it’s just women?
I have a friend who took a very long time to find a wife. He had two rules for dating:
1. She had to be Jewish (fair enough).
2. She had to be shorter than him.
He was…
…
5’3.
haha – yes. I have two male friends who are under 5’6″. In our little group of friends, there three girls under 5’2″. Seems perfect? Yah right, the little ladies are ALL dating guys over 6′. Drives my short guy friends crazy!
Had a similar conversation with a short female friend. She said it was fine for *me* to date a short man, because I am tall, so thanks to my tall genes, there is a reasonable chance our children would be tall. Whereas, she thinks she needs a 6′ man even though she’s only 5’3″ to give her children a reasonable chance of being tall.
Apparently some women are looking for good conformational matches for their own breeding! Here I was, selfishly looking for a man who’d be fun to be with for the rest of my life, without thinking of how to counteract my own conformational weak points. I have probably doomed our hypothetical future children to poor eyesight and big noses. But hey they’ve got a fighting chance of being tall!
I am dating a man I met online who fudged on his height a bit. I am 5’6″. He claimed to be 5’6″. He is 5’5″ish. All my past boyfriends and my ex husband are over 6’0″.
You know what I will keep my boyfriend. He is perfect despite being shorter than me.
ahh yes the dating days…I dated one guy who overall was into all the things I was, I was into the things he was, but enough different to keep us from getting bored…
Then there was the hints.. then the dropping of the giant sparkly turd!…
He wanted to wear womens clothing, including under things. I was from California, and we were both stationed in Japan at the time in the navy, so I tried to be open minded…I even went with him to the local on base thrift store to buy a few things….
We even got engaged. I had to leave due to my deployment being over but I went back after I got out, a few weeks later…he had gotten MORE underthings from a nice closeted gay woman in his squadron….
And then the sparkly turd drop…he wanted to get married in matching wedding gowns, when he got home from work he wanted to be the “woman” of the relationship, and wear women’s clothing when he got home….
All the while maintaining his job in the navy….
I tried, I really did, but when I had to leave to go back to the states, and a few months later during one of our phone calls, he calls me from the nice gay lady’s room, telling me SHE is pregnant…
That did it, enough was enough… I could almost live with the cross dressing, but cheating.. NOPE… NOT going to happen…
Oh he was 5″3′ maybe, hairy as a bear rug, and built like a fire hydrant.
Then there was the guy I dated who wanted to “live” the renaissance faire lifestyle, and wore the garb everywhere, including work. And then I caught him in bed with another guy…
My high school sweet heart became a “closet” ninja (my mother coined that phrase- after he hid in her closet and jumped out at her wearing a ninja outfit). He proposed to me, gave me an engagement ring AND a wedding ring, then ran off to join the army, after I had joined the navy, and when I asked “what about us”, he said it wouldn’t work…
It took me months to pick up the pieces of my broken heart when it shattered… then the cross dresser, then the renaissance guy who couldn’t pick a sex to be attracted to… and other many failed dates.
So I lived to two wonderful gay people, one male, one female, who had 20 cats.
Many years later I met my now hubby, and ran away to Wisconsin, no cats, but too many parakeets, chickens and horses!!
And no sparkling turds
After that I decided I was going to be the crazy cat lady who lived at the end of a street
As a bisexual woman I am taking issue here.
I don’t know whether your ex was bisexual or whether he was trying not to be gay when he was with you, but if he WAS bisexual…
It is not that we ‘can’t pick a sex to be attracted to’, it is that we feel attraction to both sexes. We can pick a PARTNER, but that doesn’t make us straight or gay. I have been in a relationship for 15 years this year. I am still attracted to both men and women. I would never be unfaithful to my partner, but we do have a mutual agreement that we’re both allowed to LOOK and I look. At both sexes. It’s not some kind of weird indecisiveness, it’s that I don’t have a fully functioning mechanism telling me which sex to be attracted to, so I’m open to both.
Sorry. I just hate when people show misunderstandings about bisexuality. (Also: I do not need to have partners of both sexes. I am not attracted to every human being on the planet. I am perfectly capable of monogamy. Sigh.)
If I was your date and you brought your horse measuring stick to our first date, I am not exactly sure what I’d think you had in mind. Haahhahaa.Guess he’d figure out real quick that “size” really does matter….lol.
Snarky I love how you write, it makes me think we’d be good friends if you talk the way you write your blog posts. I’m sorry about your dating woes- I hated dating. So much pressure. Plus the assholes/weirdos. Oh, you think I spend too much time with my horses and not enough time with you? Goodbye.
Anyway, don’t worry about height so much! I know I really have no room to talk- I’m 5’1, so I have met to meet a man shorter than myself who isn’t a little person- but give the shorter guys a chance! C’mon… they’re short men, that’s hard enough.
hehe thanks!
And yes, I do. With a little more colorful language lol
They’re not really dating woes, per say, I think it’s hilarious. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to hit it off with this guy.
I can definitely get over the height thing. I have previously dated a guy that was shorter than me. I’m more of a personality person. I do think it’s hilarious that *most* guys lie about their height though.
I too am short (4’9) i would LOVE to find one my size LOL
“I like having control over things that are much bigger than I.”
LMFAO! There are So many interpretations to this sentence that I’m not even going to comment.
Yes, i have a dirty mind. But I’m honest about it.
lol maybe that’s how i intended it
Oh, I feel your pain. I dated them all thanks to a short stint on Match.com, where the phrase “swimmer’s build” made me question if avocadoes could actually swim. I finally met my match ten years ago on a camping trip at Lake Berryessa. I had to sit next to my, then unknown to me, future husband because my sweet dog wanted to rip the jugular out of the neck of every man in the campground except this particular peach. After making some pretty poor choices in men I figured it was time to let the dog choose. She did me proud. Now…just so you know, I’m 5’9″ and my husband SAYS he is 5’7″ (walking downhill in a head wind). I felt a little weird about it at first since I too am a recovered heightist, but he says he loves mountain climbing and he treats me like I am queen of the universe….and he pays for my horse habit. Point is…the man of your dreams may come in a different package than you imagine and if he is “the one” it won’t matter a fig to you!
Hahaha, reading stories like these kind of makes me glad I’m an aromantic asexual XD I have no desire whatsoever for a life partner of any kind, and therefore no need to deal with that kind of crap.
Although I gotta say, as somebody who’s 5’2″, I probably would not have noticed that 2 inch height discrepancy, lol.
I met my soul mate when I was 17. And 34 years later he’s still my one and only.
It’s not necessarily *just* the height. I’m 5’9″ and if I were a horse I’d have “good bone.” (I’m not fat, but I am fairly solidly built.) So I went on a lot of first dates with guys who said they were 5’10″ and athletic, were actually 5’7″ and skinny, and who I outweighed by a good twenty pounds or so. If you’re shorter than me, whatever, but I don’t want to be worried about crushing your fragile little bird bones, either… So frustrating!
If they can rule us out on weight and hair color, we can darn well cull the herd when it comes to height. I have met a few vertically challenged men along the way but mostly it was their attitude and not their stature that was the problem.
I had my freshman orientation at the Art Institute a couple weeks ago and I met a guy there, his name is Kevin. I’m normally a bit of an ice queen when I meet new people and I’m am VERY difficult to converse with. But for some reason it was so easy to talk to him, and he’s a real gentleman (he’s cute too, awesome bonus). I’m one of those 18 year-olds who is still a kid at heart. Apparently he’s a 19 year-old who is a kid at heart. You know what we did for our first date? He brought foam swords to the park and we sword fought with each other. Our second date is going to be a gaming marathon (I’m a gaming nerd, I’m going to school for Game Art Design). As for height, I am 5″9′, he is 6′-6’1″ so we’re good to go there. Plus I managed to get myself out of a fairly abusive relationship a couple years ago (both physical and emotional), and it gave me some trust issues. He’s completely willing to go at a snail’s pace for me as long as I’m comfortable. And he’s 100% supportive of my riding, he loves to cook (my cooking skills are limited to the toaster) and is happy to help with chores.
Do I love him? Way too soon to tell. Do I like him a lot? You bet your derriere I do. I think this one’s a keeper.
I’m seriously jealous. Best first date ever! Good luck with him
The height thing is difficult,my daughter is about 1/2″ under 6 ft & usually wears flat shoes,she doesn’t admit it’s because she’s tall but well? I’m 5ft1 3/4″ & my hubby is 6ft 2″, my sons are 6ft5″ & about 6ft 6″ so am a bit like a dwarf in a giant’s world LOL
I am 5’4 and always date taller. Why? Well, like snarky I prefer taller horses (one is 16.1 the other 15.1) and I like guys the same way. I cannot tell you how many times I go on a date and the 5’9 guy is 5’9 but I could wrap my arms around his waist 3 times! That is not attractive, slim and muscular is one thing, thin and sickly is another. Yuck, it is why I have met all my man toys in person by accident and they are all over 6ft tall..and yes I did bring the horse measuring stick *blush*.
Glad I’m not the only one having terrible man issues lately! I enjoy the occasional totally off topic post, and I sure can relate to this one. Sometimes I think I’m just way to nice for my own good when I first meet people, because I attract creepers and crazy clingers like no other. Then no matter what I do they don’t get a hint! I finally got rid of one by being a brutal bitch, and ended up feeling terrible for it even though it needed to be done. I’ve got two others that seem to think I’m joking when I tell them to go away.
When I do actually find a guy I like they seem so great at first, and then a month or so in I get the, “I like you, but I don’t want a relationship right now.” Which I have learned means, “I just thought you were kind of hot, but now I’m bored and want to continue trying to be a man whore.” I feel like I have picked such different guys outwardly, but they are always the same damn pricks on the inside.
I’m a terrible judge of character too. The crazy sociopath ex was the worst. That was a 4 month too long relationship because I was kind of afraid to break up with him, and sadly my longest “official” relationship. If I ever find out he is a serial killer, I will not be surprised. I had to call in a gun-weilding combatives trained military friend to be there when I broke up with him.
I’m 24, and I think I’m just better off alone at this point. I’ve never been with a guy yet that I have actually been happy with. I don’t want to be alone forever, but at this point in my life I’m happier that way. I’m sick of being disappointed. Plus, there are too many other things to do yet in life, like grad school, and I want to make those decisions soley based on what’s best for me, not someone else.
Dating is always interesting. Even more so for me having moved to a new state 8 months ago. Where are previously I could almost always find someone we had in common to help vet the person, or if things felt really odd I knew where to google dig to get answers fast. Now, I’m on my own and it’s scary.
The internet dating had been working ok back home, here I seem to be getting a lot of creepers. Annoying is what it is. Luckily the one good one (at least I thought he was good) has come back into my life and while we’ve taken several huge steps back and slowed down a lot things are ok. But dang did I have to sift a lot of chaff to get there.
As for the height/build thing I’m 5’7″ and average a size 20/22 jeans. I feel awkward when around skinny/slight built guys. May be why the two I’m seeing at the moment are both close to or over 6′ tall and both are on the heftier side. And before anyone jumps on the “two I’m seeing” phrase, each knows about the other and is ok with it. Probably helps also that one is here and one is back home
I would never have given my now husband a chance if we had started out dating. Fortunately we started as friends and I discovered that a man who liked four-wheelers instead of horses, farming instead of ranching and is a computer genius where I am incapable was really pretty cool.
He is willing to ride horses and I am learning to use a computer.
Bummer…….aside from the height and tmi shirt, at least he sounds more literate than a lot of blokes out there? Because I’ve seen what some guys write, and they could never run with the likes of Snarky!
An aside: your blog, your topics. Why is this so fuzzing difficult to understand?? You post too little; I look forward to it every day at noon. You post too much; I had to spend entire seconds scrolling down to a past post. Fuzz! Perspective, get some.
I could write you a book about online dating! I tried that for years, and it always amazed me the lies they would try to get away with. From the guys with 20 year old photos on their profiles (yeah, we ARE going to notice the missing hair and added wrinkles and pounds), exaggerating height, under estimating weight, iffy personal hygiene, to those who lie or exaggerate their job/income/living conditions. I went out with guys who said they owned their own business and house, turns out they work part time in their Mom’s shop, live in her basement and have multiple kids with various mothers. I had quite a few of these because I had a decent job and a condo – a magnet for losers, obviously.
What was worst was those who thought anyone on a dating site was just looking to ‘hook up’ eww..no. I also had that with both of the single parent/newly divorced groups I tried. “But you are divorced, you will be desperate to be with any man.” um, no, just got rid of one jerk, not looking for another.
But there is hope, I did meet my current husband online, the sites like e-harmony, that match you up by personality tests have a better chance of weeding out the posers and losers.
I joke that I shopped for my husband on-line, but he was a good find. He rides with me, supports my showing, and can toss a bale of hay with the best of them.