Today, I’d like to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was an asshole who thought he was smarter than genetics. He bred two horses with cute ears and out popped his little miracle baby. The baby that was going to save his farm and put food in his 10 illegitimate children’s bellies. Unfortunately, true to its nature, genetics produced this regrettably fugly creature. The asshole backyard breeder realized this horse wasn’t going to be a goldmine after the first prospective buyer came by and promptly turned around, making a hasty retreat, laughing so hard he almost drove off the road. Fancying himself a cunning businessman, he dumped the now yearling off at auction and skipped merrily away with his shiny new $5 bill in hand.
I desperately want to find this little guy and hug him and never let go. He is just about the epitome of fugly and gawd awful breeding, but… he’s so gosh darned ugly, he’s cute!
This little guy is obviously going through an awkward phase, and it doesn’t help that he’s standing on a hill. He’s not unlike the skinny, pimply, snot-nosed boy we all had in our class at one time or another. However, unlike that kid, this ugly duckling has no hope of ever turning into a handsome swan. He looks like at least three different breeds all mashed together!
The head: Draft. That one’s pretty obvious. The roman nose is a dead giveaway.
The skinny neck reminds me of the Thoroughbred babies I used to work with. We know that neck isn’t from a QH because they’d have already been fitting him! (Similarly, we know the hind legs aren’t QH because they’re not posty nor screaming “we’ll be useless past age 3!”) -although those are some upright pasterns!
You may find this shocking, but I kind of like his bum (not the first time I’ve said that today, although that is the first time to a non-human). Don’t get me wrong, it’s not great, it just seems to be the
best least horribly put together part of him. Which is almost horrifying as the point of hip, point of buttocks and stifle don’t form that equilateral triangle that the proverbial “they” tell us non-experts to look for. Furthermore, the stifle looks like it’s sitting pretty high, which could affect the range of motion of his hing legs. Keeping in mind, of course, that this is a young, still-growing boy. Some calcium, vitamins and protein shakes and he might just grow up to be a strapping young lad!
I can hope, right?
Here’s a link to a decent overview on conformation. It’s pretty rudimentary, but it’s always good to review the basics once in a while!
So, asshat breeders, as per usual, we’d like to thank you for continuing to cause horses undue pain and suffering, for helping to populate the clearly struggling auction houses, and for putting food on the plates of rich Belgians. Because without you, it would be nearly impossible to sustain these practices.